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Thursday, April 24th, 2008
7:58 pm - worship-p-p-p-pers of Jung BEWARE
when i remember gradiva
i am not the figurine

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Monday, September 10th, 2007
11:43 pm - as good a day as anyway
the music sounds good because it's missing entire segments.  my life:  in pieces.  it's the same old same old some assembly required may not be suitable for vegans but it sounds good.  because entire segments are missing?  everyday leanings from right to left, one day a zombie and the next:  martian :: then slightly more and easy right until a clearer universal vision allows for his reality and his and his and his canceled out so one can strand with gravity and nothing else. 


forget about aim.
just be ready
fire!
be prepared to acknowledge primitives and the straight line declination of evolutionary gravity and the point: to learn from ones mistakes.   life is nothing more than evolution from  an atom to adam  revolution and evolution is a process of gradual, peaceful, progressive change or development, as in   learning from your mistakes.  take away auxiliary purpose and silly meaning of lifes (yeah, that's right, lifes) befriend your mistaken path to regeneration and do it on the floor BECAUSE YOU WANT TO and the rest will spend spacetime wondering what it is that made you so damn profound.

current mood: calm

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
3:22 pm
this made my day:

lee says: yeah your house is pretty nice
alli says: and they're anal about it
lee says: it would be a shame to get a dog or do lots of drugs in it

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Monday, January 9th, 2006
5:47 pm
corners: i'll tell you what happened is that some wife forgot who wore the pants and she woke up in kentucky without shoes on
a.shaym: okay okay now you've gone to far.

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Saturday, December 31st, 2005
10:53 pm
CORNERS: have you left out cookies and milk for your husband?
A.SHAYM: awwww i have! are you coming down my chimbley?
CORNERS: nope
A.SHAYM: ooOOOoo that sounds peverted.
CORNERS: i'm burrowing through your furnace as we speak
A.SHAYM: oh so that's what that is.... me-ow
CORNERS: you're one of those freaky art kids

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Thursday, October 27th, 2005
2:06 pm
i would never kiss your ass, i don't know where it's at. he always attacks me and i never quite have enough balls to get over it. last monday was brutal. he reaches out for his one-sidedness and i walk away knowing that he's right. he has to be right. he wouldn't hate me so much if i weren't so damn neurotic. ::break:: i'd lent julien my car and he was off doing an interview for the paper. he comes home and i'm knee deep in thought (althouh i was really submerged, knee deep sounds better) he opens my door and gives me a huge kiss and tells me i'm wonderful. behold the power of motherfucking timing. he tells me that the guy he was interviewing saw the car and said "now that's a great girl" and he went on to tell him about me and my paintings and how proud of me he is. tuesday morning, i was laying naked facing the wall for ZaoMing (!!!!!!!) with nothing else to think about but the happenings of the night before. i may be slightly neurotic but it's mostly fueled by the fact that he doesn't treat me well. never stand up for youselves, ladies! it'll title you insane. i'm not by any means doubting that there's some truth to what he's saying but consider this: i treat him and julien exactly the same. christ, it must really suck not having the slightest inclination of how to treat people. it'll hit him eventually and me and my neurotic self will be in Reno with julien.

sorry kids. i'm killing time until i have to start working again. ooOOoooOO i was working this morning with this superhot model. i'm lucky i didn't get a boner....

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Monday, October 10th, 2005
5:51 pm
my baby loves me.



my house is "the shit" (and becoming even "the shittier" hit december). i went through this gross long period of time where i was waking up happy every morning and going to sleep happy and spending the whole goddamn day happy. it didn't really last. but i got home from vegas yesterday and... bah i hate this fucking journal. but it appears to be the only way to kill time before i have to go back upstairs and get naked for the last three wicked hours of this thirteen hour workday.

current mood: sore

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
3:49 am - i'm a boozer baby, so why don't you kill me
i wake up every morning feeling happy. and i go to sleep every night feeling happy. i haven't thrown up in a week. i eat three meals a day. jill is my best friend in the mix AND to the max. jesse is coming home soon. jesse owen is coming home soon. julien loves my paintings. julien's dad loves my paintings. whoa. julien showed his dad my paintings.

i'mnotwhatyouthinkismeanymore.

current mood: bouncy

(2 damn it anyway!s | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Monday, August 29th, 2005
2:48 am
my paintings made their paris debut this evening

current mood: happy

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Thursday, August 25th, 2005
3:20 am
jesse, i'm not crushing on julien... okay maybe a little....

the plan: after picking julien up last night from the powell BART station, i was to text message jill and tell her on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being beautiful) what julien is. i gave him a twenty. so jill got home this morning thinking "he's probably decent", and then, upon meeting him, exclaims that he is "nothing short of gorgeous" and that "jude law doesn't hold a candle to julien". i couldn't agree more.

so jesse calls and there's some awkward phone conversation where i believe i might have been called "a girl" but i have an explanation for that: julien was sitting all of three meters away. i had to go and this time it wasn't for drugs, i was having social time with the french. we talked for a while about movies and zombies (yay!) and selfish art. AND julien: would you like a glass of wine? alli: no i feel bad drinking your wine. julien: it's not my wine. it's wine.

so jesse my little friend you know i adore you and i was really happy that you called but there was bonding to be done. i felt kind of guilty for leaving a lovely conversation... i mean you have to keep in mind that i've been living amongst the likes of dani for the last year. we were talking about music and he pulls out this dvd and says "this is my favorite french artist, you've probably never heard of him but..." and he hands me this two disc set of serge gainsbourg. YES. SERGE GAINSBOURG!!! not only have i heard of serge gainsbourg but i'm completely in love with him! so i'm excited in a half shell to move into the new place.



eeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

serge gainsbourg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

current mood: ecstatic

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
1:31 am - modern girl?
i realize the pointless stupid nature of my last journal entry and for that... no... i'm not apologizing anymore. but i've realized my error and i realized in time that you are not a need. you are not a need. adrian is... nothing. we talked about plato and it tickled my fancy. eh. i don't even care enough to talk about it. but i like him. i really like him.

julien.
julien gave me a call today. his flight was late and he didn't have anywhere to stay because of it so he gave me a shout and he's sleeping oh so beautifully on my couch this evening. i've never met him. never talked to him. today was his first day EVER in this strange country of ours so this is a bizarre situation indeed. he's living with me for a year but... this house is... left handed. i was hoping he could find somewhere until the fist and then his USA experience might never have to involve dani (wham!). yuck. but i like him. i really like him. you know how i feel about repitition. you know how i feel about repitition.

current mood: energetic

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Monday, August 15th, 2005
2:14 pm
yesterday morning: i wrangle erin's dangle, she picks up and "so. is molly's brother a good kisser?" which is where i provide the background. formal (enter dress clad alli) lions den party saturday night. alli finds herself being followed by a prey of 3 to 4 men, one of them called john who i hung out with for the entire night. nice guy. i had had three shots earlier with brandon (my drinking soul mate, my mighty morphin' power neighbor) and had developed some stomach pain so, in my unfortunate state of sober, i put a kibosh on the drinking for the night. people kept coming up to me (my friends mostly) telling me that i should hook up with this john character because he "really wants me." so we were sitting on the couch, enter his friend dan. "you need to make out now." i wasn't going to say no but i'm not much for sober making out on a counch in the middle of a room crowded with thirtythousand of my (gossipy) friends. so he started to kiss me and i said "let's go somewhere else." which apparently in boy translates to fuck you i'm not interested. so we didn't make out. and then things were a little awkward for the rest of the night. eventually the party gets killed (shut up i'm getting there!) and we all go over to molly's house. me, john, dan, the prey, and molly's rediculously hot brother... ("hey! you're wearing a pancho!" "no it's a mexi-nugget") one thing leads to another... so i made out with my friend's little brother. and apparently gave john the cold shoulder. so yesterday was awkward. adrian: hey molly... so i made out with your friend last night. molly: which one? adrian: the little hot one. molly: oh yeah i so called that! i was going to put money on it! (and this is where alli turns bright red)

this morning: i'm checking my myspace. i go to molly's page and... of course... this john character has left her comments. his photo? me and him at the party. except for it's not just me and him... adrian is in there too... needless to say, i feel terrible.

:::sigh::: good morning everyone.

current mood: awake

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Friday, August 5th, 2005
9:09 pm
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: can you get aids from drinking urine?
FixItInTheMix303: good question
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: we should ask jeeves


i found a door in my backyard today.

current mood: sleepy

(3 damn it anyway!s | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
12:56 pm
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: so... my grandmother called at 11:30 this morning and i didn't answer the phone because i was sleeping so she came over to check on me
punkskanks: oooh...
punkskanks: how was that?
punkskanks: she got mad?
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: well. she didn't notice any of the empty beer bottles or drugs....
punkskanks: really?
punkskanks: what did she say?
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: "you didn't answer your phone and i was worried."
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: "...i was sleeping"
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: "do you know what time it is?"
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: "...early."
punkskanks: how didn't she notice anything?
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: she's like 85 and had a stroke a few years ago
punkskanks: ahhhh
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: she didn't really come in, either
punkskanks: oh
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: i mean, she stood in the living room
punkskanks: ahh
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: maybe she noticed but didn't say anything
punkskanks: and you stood infront of the beer bottle table
punkskanks: if she asked you should have said that since you've become sick beer is all you can drink
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: no she doesn't even know i've been sick
punkskanks: ohh....
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: we can't tell her because she worries so much about everything
punkskanks: understandable
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: she'd insist on living here with me if she knew
punkskanks: which would...put a kibosh on the partying
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: and my sleep schedule.
punkskanks: yah i just got up
aLiSOnWonD3rLaND: i would still be asleep....


oh yeah. and the new sleater-kinney album is really fucking genius.

current mood: annoyed

(1 damn it anyway! | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Saturday, June 18th, 2005
6:49 pm
wait.



okay puke.




i'm in denver. my family is in Poland/Austria/Prague.

the only reason i'm here is so that i can speak with my doctor of... 20 years about my failing body (because my 3 san francisco doctors have no clue what's going on with me except for that "i'm just so young to be having these problems")
so friday morning... she asks me 10 minutes worth of questions. and we still have no idea. so really all they can do for me is give me pills that make me digest food faster. 1 day and two meals later: i've thrown up twice.


i love my boys. I LOVE MY BOYS.

adamapillar and i were haning out in the backyard, smoking, talking. "do you ever think about the first time you do something high? like... i've never fed a dog high until right now. or... a few days ago was my first time in an elevator high."
we went down to the 4th of july closet and found ourselves some pretty explosives. and standing, backs up against the garage (ben acting as my protection), we lit that shit and stood, jaws dropped, in the cheap showiness of nature. i'm pretty sure that last night was the best night of my life. only to be kicked in the ass by tonight, and possibly tomorrow night.



i'm breaking out the bowtie for tonight's formal dinner.

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Saturday, June 4th, 2005
10:25 pm
..and i suddenly remember why i love denver:
punkskanks: !!!!!!!!!!!
punkskanks: you in denver?
punkskanks: i'm not...
punkskanks: until 6/12
punkskanks: bye
punkskanks signed off at 10:20:27 PM.












adamapillar.....ineedyounowmorethaneverbefore!!!!!!!!!!

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Friday, June 3rd, 2005
8:27 pm
LET'S SING ANOTHER SONG, BOYS, THIS ONE HAS GROWN OLD AND BITTER

yes
i
think
i
just
might
go
to
sleep
but
kindly
leave
the
future
open.


last night was misery flavored death.

the walls are closing in. i have to get out of here before dani gets home.



it's all some hyperbolical lie.






i've got a feeling 21 is gunna be a good year.


I AM A WRITER OF FICTION.

current mood: discontent

(2 damn it anyway!s | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Sunday, May 29th, 2005
2:07 pm - my mom plans to "touch more kids"
the new michael jackson?

http://www.denverpost.com/business/ci_2751114

current mood: giggly

(2 damn it anyway!s | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Monday, May 2nd, 2005
12:21 am
The smell of burnt cocaine, the dolor and decay, it only makes me cranky.

FRIDAY:
I’m down on my knees.
6 and a half hours finds me a bit sore still a few days later. Made better by starry night cons, free lunch, colin, james and union square (you never know what you’re gunna find there you’ve got to run run run run run). Two week pose. Elke partial nude-ing. Twentyfour by fourtyeight. Giving a generic fuck you academy and starting back still life core applied to figures and a lacking drawing ability. Light side. Shadow side. Fucking planes. Fucking temperature until a little later. Making REALITY of my painting ability (NOT LACK THERE OF). Nick painted on my piece. “I mixed this color. Didn’t really fit with mine so….” And placement of random (warm blue) brushstroke down the middle of miss elke’s sternum. Nick: UHHHH… SORRY I FUCKED UP YOUR PAINTING….
Jason: this is looking really nice, exaggerated color, excellent brush stroke… well except for this (points to sternum) this is looking a little random. This is looking like nick’s work….


SATURDAY:
Class 9-3:30. massive headache at 6AM leaves me putting notes for dani (experiencing massive headache. Will be going to class late) on my door. Woke up at 11AM to excessive phone ringing. Dani left early from class (which I never ended up going to) because (as she told bill sanchez) I’M DYING AND SHE NEEDED TO TAKE ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. So she runs home in tears to Hangover Barbie. “ALLI YOU’RE FREAKING ME OUT!” and a series of other out-bitchings which jill overheard and, upon it’s finale, responded with “I’d like to thank the academy….” Phone calls from the dead: Lindsay/mom/dad(who didn’t actually talk to me, of course) calling from the gallery where my SOLD piece is currently displayed. Expressed a hyperbolical enactment of… impressed. And then, not even an hour later, mom called again to tell me her news (university of Colorado, anyone?) that her boss is moving to the daniel’s fund which means that my mom will be taking over (reluctantly) as the PRESIDENT of the young Americans education foundation. We ended up talking about this for an extended period of time and she expressed a decent amount of concern lacking her schmoozing ability, to which my response was (…. Which made her tear up) “MOM. This isn’t about you. This is about what’s best for the bank and everybody knows you’re it.” …and some lengthy explanation.
AND THE ROAD A WINDING GOES FROM GOLDEN GATE TO ROARING CLIFF SIDE.
We took the California One down to Santa Cruz for a night of…….
Found myself extremely social and complimented left and right, everything from my sense of humor, randomness, and apparently nice tits. Made eric and megan feel terrible because I (of course) found myself wretched retching on all fours (which is 2005’s black and/or los angeles I’m yours).

current mood: excited

(2 damn it anyway!s | damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

Thursday, March 31st, 2005
1:27 pm
i drank free wine at a law firm last night. it was a "party" where mitchell was an honoree, he asked if i wanted to go, mentioned wine and food and i was sold. i won't say that i had a bad time because i didn't really. it was a invitation only for ALRP. i had no idea what ALRP was. apparently, it is a group of skanky bitches (lawyers) who donate their time/energy/knowledge so that those with HIV/AIDS can have free legal services. so... i don't have HIV and i'm not a lawyer or studying the law so i felt slightly out of place but i socialized and was more impressed than not by my ability to hold an interesting conversation with... well... skanky bitches.

(damn this old world that won't hold still for us)

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